Being the black woman that I am, I hear a lot of things that are offensive or straight up ignorant about my blackness and my femininity. I think it's time for someone to let people know what is inappropriate to say to black women everywhere.
1. "I'm totally a Black girl on the inside!"
Dear non-black woman, just because you know every lyric to Nicki Minaj's songs, or just because you don't skip over the n-word in rap songs (which you should), or just because you can somewhat twerk, or just because you dated that one black guy that one time, doesn't mean that you are black girl at heart. It just doesn't work like that Jen.
2. "Can you twerk or teach me how to twerk?"
For some odd reason, people seem to think that it is appropriate to ask if I can twerk or if I can teach them how to shake what their mama gave them. The problem isn't whether I can or can't but because most of the time, when that question is asked I know for it fact that it comes from a place of black female stereotypes and fetish.
3. "Wow I didn't expect you to talk like that! / Why do you talk like that?"
One of my biggest pet peeves is when someone tells me they didn't expect me to speak a certain way or when they ask me why I talk like that. Why do people have a specific idea of how ALL black woman should talk? Let us be!
4. "Why are Black women so angry?"
Anytime a black woman defends herself or /and is passionate about something, she is labeled as angry. I want to be able to express my opinions on subjects without feeling like my experiences and opinions will be dismissed because people seem to think that I come from a place of anger.
5. "You shouldn't wear and/or do your makeup like that."
When I first started experimenting with makeup, I can't tell you the amount of people who told me I could not wear a certain lip color, because of my skin tone and because I have big lips. Can we just let black woman experiment with beauty and not make them feel like they can't have fun with makeup like they would want to because of the feature blackness gave them?
6. "You are so pretty for a black girl!"
I cannot count how many times I have receive the infamous "You're are so pretty for a black girl" as a compliment. And there's of course the "I'm usually not into black girls, but you're just so fine", and "you're so pretty, are you mixed with anything?" Why can't I JUST be pretty/beautiful/sexy and whatever other compliments you can come up with? Why does it have to be despite my blackness?
7. *Bashes dark skin women in order to put light skin women on a pedestal*
There's is such a big problem of colorism in the black community, but I will forever hold my dark skin sisters to a pedestal because they do not have as big as a voice even in our community. So to anyone saying things along the lines of: "I find you way more attractive than her because you are light skin" or "You would be pretty if you weren't so dark", I am now reclaiming my time from those who bash dark skin woman and/or fetishize light skin woman.
8. "Your hair looks like *Insert Relevant Animal Comparison Here*"
Non-black people seem to be mesmerized by our hair, which is flattering, none the less, but to a certain extent. I've heard it all about my hair, believe me, but one of the things that always left a bad taste in my mouth is when my hair is compared to an animal. Yep, I know traumatizing. People have compared my hair to a sheep fur, the crown of a lion, the shape of a pigs tail (when I do a twist out) just to name a few.
9. "For a Black girl, you got good hair, is it real?"
Why is it that people think a black woman is incapable to grow her own, "nice" hair? Guess what? Most black women who wear protective hairstyles (wigs, weaves, braids etc.) have a beautiful, flourishing Afro.
10. "Can I touch your hair?"
You thought I forgot? Don't even ask me to touch my hair, the answer will always be no. I'm not a animal you can pet.
September 10, 2018
August 17, 2018