Someone extremely close to me once told me that when they’re going through something, they’ll write a song about it (they’re an artist) or they’ll transcribe what they’re feeling on a piece of paper. Everyone processes experiences differently so I figured I’d try writing down my opinions on heartbreak, whether it’s caused by a friend or a significant other, and hopefully in doing so, I'll be able to help others.
Now, I just want to start off by mentioning that when I use the word "relationship", I'm really just referring to any interaction with someone else, including friendships and family. This is also very generalized and not specific to any personal situation of mine. This article is just something I feel needs to be said. Thus, I digress.
There’s probably nothing worse than feeling like someone you really cared about didn’t feel the same way back or as though you’ve been tricked or cheated on. Humans strive off interactions and relationships with other people; no one can live solely isolated and many times, our happiness is dependant of the people closest to us. The longer you know someone, interact with them, build a relationship with them, the more you depend on them and the feelings of joy you get from simply being around them or talking to them.
Everyone reacts to certain situations differently. Personally, when I lose someone I really care about or a friendship ends or I get into a breakup, I like to shut myself off from the world. I’m naturally an introvert so I find it easy to just go incognito and ignore the world to focus on myself. I sometimes wish I had a remote to control my life so I could just hit the pause button and take a moment to breathe. If there’s one thing I’ve always been told by the people around me, it’s that I hold my breath more than I should. When I stress, I’ll get the job finished but not without putting my body through Hell. I can pretend nothing is bothering me for a couple hours and I’ll put on a brave face but the second I get a moment to myself, it’s as though I can feel a weight on my shoulders finally push me to my breaking point.
With that being said, I think I can say I've been through my fair share of ended relationships and friendships, yet I'm still here (barely)! All jokes aside, I've compiled a short blurb of what helps me move on, so hopefully it'll work on you, too!
The most important thing I think you should do is reach out to the people closest to you. Remember when I mentioned that humans strive off interactions and relationships with other people? Having people who will listen to what you have to say without judging you, regardless of if the choice you're making is one they agree with, is important. If there's no one you really trust, you can consider speaking to a therapist, parent or teacher. There are many free and paid services that you can find online, including national helplines to coach you through what you're feeling. In all honesty, I actually think that if you really need it, you should also be able to reach out to the person hurting you. Sometimes, the only person that can provide you comfort is the one hurting you the most (sad, but true), so if you need answers regarding your friendship or your relationship, seek them.
It's also important to remember that whatever's going on in your life, it will pass and life will move on. There may be many things you just don't understand and so many little moments you wish never happened but what can you do? If you're able to get the answers you need for closure, get them but if this isn't an option, get back into the flow of doing things and distract yourself with life. Basically, keep doing the things you love! You can't change what happened and you can't go back in time, so as much as you might crave a pause button to stop and breathe, life continues on and so should you. Whether it's going to the gym or making music, for example, don't give up the activities you enjoy for something that's only going to affect you temporarily.
Lastly, I really recommend refraining from ranting on your social media, if you need to delete it, do so! People you don't interact with will start to assume and piece things together in their mind to create your reality and although you shouldn't care much for other people’s opinions, no one wants to feel vulnerable. It also helps if you keep from posting how you feel on social media so people don't continuously ask you what's going on in your life. Talking about what you're going through can only help push you further for so long but eventually you want to forget about it, right? You can also never be too certain of peoples motives and although they may seem trusting, not everyone deserves to know what's going on in your personal life.
To the readers who clicked on this article because they're going through it, I hope this helps you move on and get the closure you need. Don't forget that moving on from a situation too quickly won't provide you with the proper closure you need and you'll most likely end up getting more hurt in the long run. Take your time with things.
Just breathe and remember to mourn for as long as you need.
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